I’M INEFFABLY, INEXPLICABLY, SKBGEULAN CNN TH IWMDNHURJNA OVERJOYED TO BE HOME!!!!!!!!! YAHHHHHHHHHHH

*crashes and snores*

LOL I’m so sorry. OTL I didn’t know where to make the story go. Well, I hope you enjoyed some of the more humorous episodes.

Alice nodded to them and stepped over the threshold. 

She entered a quaint little room with a fireplace, white-curtained windows, quilted sofa, elegant wooden chairs, and a table. A teapot whistled. Someone moved in the kitchen.

Alice looked around and was about to leave through the front door when a little girl came in from the kitchen holding a tray of teacups and finger sandwiches. She was wearing a red checkered dress and a matching red ribbon in her hair. 

“Hello,” she greeted Alice, “I’m the Queen. Well, that’s the title I’m supposed to assume. What is your name and what have you come for? Do take a seat by the table and stay for some tea.”

An awful lot of tea in this world. 

“My name is Alice. I’m looking for my floppy dog plush..running around.”

“A dog? I think he came by earlier but he has already returned. He was just stretching his legs.”

“Returned?”

“To Paris I think he said.”

So her dog left her…he was stretching his legs? Wasn’t he supposed to show her something profound, some adventure, or some nemesis she must defeat? Well, that wasn’t quite correct. She did find something profound and perhaps the cheese door qualified as adventure. 

“I do not have company often. Play a game of Blokus with me,” the Queen invited Alice. “I always win,” she said with a smile, “Mad Cow, the tofu, and Energizer Bunny come every Saturday to play but they are always frustrated that they cannot win. They are always amusing and eat all my pies though.”

Since her dog had already left, she wasn’t really in a hurry for anything. She supposed that Blokus was what they were referring to when they spoke of defeating the Queen.

“Sure. I can play.”

The Queen set down the tea, invited Alice to help herself to some sandwiches, and set up the Blokus board for the game.

Alice put the first piece down.

The Queen put the next.

It was a very intense three hours and they went through several pots of tea and platters of sandwiches.

Eventually, Alice won…marginally. 

“That was an excellent game. Thank you for playing with me.” the Queen congratulated her.

“Thank you for having me. I think I must go home. How do I do that?”

“Oh, just through that front door. Come by to play again sometime.”

“How?”

“Just think of friends and we will be there. That’s very cheesy but so very true. Now go home, I’m sure you want to shower. Good bye now.”

“Good bye.” Alice waved before turning the door knob and stepping over the threshold.

She looked around. She was outside her grandfather’s toy shop. 

The door opened behind her. 

Her pépé came out with the floppy dog in his hand, “Do not forget him, Alice. He seems rather tired too. Come, give me a hug before you go.”

Mad Cow took a sip of its tea and set the delicate cup down. “Have you heard of Humpty Dumpty?” 

“Of course, hasn’t everyone?”

“Really? I didn’t know his story was so popular. I was only asking you out of courtesy. I will retell you the story just in case you may have heard incorrectly—spreading stories tend to create distortion. Humpty Dumpty was a magnificent little egg. He had a peculiar penchant for walls. One day he decided he want to see the world from up above there. However, he could not get up there himself, he tried jumping over and over but the wall was too tall for him. He asked his friends to help him up. They tried many, many methods every single day. The wall was no ordinary wall, it grew taller by the day! Well, the friends almost gave up and were about to tell Humpty to stop trying. But, they did not give up. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because they saw that he wanted to be up there so badly. He wanted to see that view, it was his dream. As his friends, they wanted to help him no matter how long it took. Furthermore, the trials and attempts strengthened their relationship. It was only the first few days when his friends wanted to give up on him. Their resolution to aid him hardened as they came to love him more. One day, one discovered a method to get Humpty up on the wall. But! He also realized that if Humpty was up there, he was in danger of falling and breaking…the fragile egg he was. He was about to approach Humpty to tell him that he would no longer help but then he saw Humpty looking up with determined eyes. Rather than say ‘Stop,’ he said ‘I figured it out, let’s do this!’ So they got Humpty up on the wall. 

People from all around saw him sit atop the wall, joyous. The king’s soldiers saw him, reported the act, and the king demanded that they bring him down. 

They shouted and clamored. They started throwing spears and arrows. One came close to Humpty and caused him to lose his balance. Luckily, his friends remained close to him the whole time. They saw him falling. Frantic for their friend, they quickly assembled a soft cushion to catch him. Humpty was saved by his friends. 

The soldiers spread around the rumor that it was his fault he fell and that they could not ‘put him back together again’. Well, that was the story of Humpty Dumpty.”

“I see…”

“It is an amusing tale, I admit I like to gossip a little bit. Now, what were we talking about? Oh you were looking for something weren’t you?”

“Yes, I-“

“You must be looking for the queen!” Just as Mad Cow pronounced “queen”, Energizer Bunny and the two tofu came back through the gate. 

“THE QUEEN?” All three of them inquired simultaneously. 

“She conquers everything.” Firm Tofu bobbled.

“She’s always red.” Soft Tofu added.

“Q-Qu-Quite the F-f-f-f-f-oe!” Energizer Bunny hopped a few times. 

“If you want to find her, you must go through the cottage door in the back,” Mad Cow instructed.

“You will win!” Soft Tofu encouraged.

“We support you!” Firm Tofu offered.

“D-D-d-d-don’t for-forget us-s-s! We w-will be h-h-here for you,” Energizer Bunny reminded.

“Thank you, but I have only just met you guys,” Alice said.

“But we like you so much!” all four of her friends exclaimed.

“Go, go, go!” Mad Cow urged.

The two tofu and Energizer Bunny dragged the Door Mouse away. Mad Cow opened the door for Alice. 

“Good bye, Alice! We shall always, always remember you.” 

The garden was behind an adorable little cottage with green ivy vines crawling up the walls. Black iron fenced the rose bushes and pineapple bushes. A round table set with lace tablecloth and elegant white teacups, plates, and a teapot occupied the center of the garden.

At the table sat a hefty, well-built cow with a nose ring and an ear tag and a fuzzy pink rabbit with dark sunglasses and a drum strapped to its back. By the backdoor to the cottage, a mouse in a suit and top hat stood upright.

The tofu waddled to the table and sat down. They turned to Alice and patted the cushion of the elegant white chair between them to indicate that she ought to join the little group. 

“This thing is called Alice,” Firm Tofu explained to the cow and the rabbit daintily sipping their tea.

“We found her in the city,” summarized Soft Tofu.

“Very pleased to meet you my dear. I am the Mad Cow,” the large bovine nodded to her. 

“G-g-g-g-g-g-g-ooodness grrrrrrrrrracious me-ee—e-eh! W-ha—tttt a t-t-t-t-t-ttttttiny little th-thing! My n-a-na-name is th-the Energi-gi-gizer Bunny,” the  shaking pink thing explained.

“Please forgive Energizer Bunny, he is rather sensitive to the caffeine in the tea but simply cannot give up the taste.” Mad Cow commented.

‘Isn’t that like being addicted to drugs?!?!’ Alice thought.

“Over there is Doormouse. He does not move, smile, or flinch no matter what you do. Well, unless you give him a rather good tip then he will let you into the cottage.” Mad Cow continued.

‘Like one of those London guards isn’t he?’ Alice thought.

“Now, why are you here, Alice?” 

“My stuffed dog started running away. I just followed him.”

“Searching for something lost? The people who come here are always looking for something. Well, this is the lost reality,” Mad Cow sipped a little more tea, “I apologize I didn’t offer you any tea!” 

With the enormous hooves it gently picked up a small white teacup with curved petal rims and poured some tea for Alice.

“Alice!”

“Alice!” The tofu suddenly looked up from their tea cups (they were also starting to turn a little brown, did the tea stain them?). 

“It is your unbirthday!”

“WOOHOOO UNBIRTHDAY PARTY!”

“PARTYYYYYYY”

The tofu waved their 2D arms.

“L-l-l-l-let m-e-e-e p-p-play some mu-music for y-you.” Energizer Bunny began drumming violently. He drummed so violently the vibrations and motions of the drum caused him to hop over the fence and into the woods.

“Energizer Bunny!” The tofu chased their friend.

A pause.

“Have a slice of cake to celebrate, dear.” Mad Cow used a silver platter knife to serve her a slice of strawberry vanilla cake. 

“Thank you.” The cake was surprisingly good.

“Are the three of them often like this?”

“Sometimes. They are very silly, but that is what I love about them. They get carried away with the moment sometimes but they know how to cherish their friends. Since the tofu brought you here, they must certainly consider you one now too.”

“Me? But we have just met.”

“Sometimes you just know right away what kind of person you can get along with. Friends can be made that way. Friendships, on the other hand, may take a little longer to form. Everything good takes time.”

“Time…is it worth waiting? Things break in the end.”

(uh oh, laptop going into hibernation and it is late. tbc tomorrow!)

The tofu on the right said, “I think it is about time. My tofu senses are tingling!”

“Oh, yes mine are too! It is time to go,” the tofu on the left agreed.

“To go!” they chimed.

“To where?” Alice inquired.

“This way now.”

“Don’t tarry.”

They hopped off the seats on to their thin little legs, so thin they might not have even been 3D. Seeing that Alice was not getting up on her own, they hooked their arms to hers and began dragging her along.

The streets wound and swerved and curled (curled?). They made fairly fast progress. I say fairly because the tofu had a curious way of walking, or hobbling. Firm Tofu walked rapidly with medium, measured steps. Its face was pinched together in a focused manner. Occasionally, it was suddenly plop to the ground as if its legs suddenly disappeared behind it and then it would hop right back up and keep pulling Alice along. Soft Tofu walked rapidly in short small steps and seemed to wobble side to side as it took them. Its face seemed to expand in comparison to Firm Tofu. At times, perhaps the effort was simply too strenuous, the half of it that was not holding on to Alice would fall off. It would backtrack, bend down, and (by some unusual tofu magnetism or attraction) pick up the fallen half and then keep wobbling quickly along. 

Suddenly the two tofu stopped and released Alice. They each scurried in opposite directions into the neighborhood shops. When they returned, their little arms were full of cheese. A block or two were even stacked on their head. In the middle of the street they began to pile the cheese.

“What are you doing?” Alice asked.

They both shushed her and continued sculpting the cheese. The pile amounted to a rectangular stack.

The tofu stepped back. Firm Tofu poked its hands into one of the Swiss Cheese holes and pulled. A doorway from the large pile of cheese opened.

“We are quite late for the party.” Soft Tofu noted.

“Quite late. Best hurry.” Firm Tofu agreed.

“Come.”

“Come!”

The two tofu went through the door way. Alice sat, perplexed. 

The tofu noticed that she had not followed them. They came back and promptly pulled her through the door way with them.

Intermission note:

I’m so sorry that I left the story off after two parts and that I didn’t finish by your birthday. I had finals this week and stuff to wrap up before the end of the year. I promise you I will finish the story tonight and if not, then tomorrow! 

I hope your birthday was a lot of fun, I wish I had been there to celebrate with you~

Now, let’s continue with the odd, twisted story of Alice.

Oh! I meant they were cubes, oops.

He ran and ran and ran and then made a sudden turn on Rue Montorgueil. Alice followed a few seconds later. When she turned the corner she could not find her floppy little plush. She slowed her run to a walk so that she could peer into the food shops and restaurants in search of the runaway dog. 

There was nothing in any of them except the usual tables and chairs set up. Just as Alice began to walk pass without looking, she heard clanking from one of the cafes. She opened the door and entered.

Seated at a center table were two giant squares facing each other. Or, they appeared like squares. When they heard her entrance, they both turned to her. The fugly white squares had faces. They had tiny eyes and a pinched face. Out of their square, squishy, white bodies stuck thin little arms and legs. 

One gasped. “Look! A person!”

The other asked, “Does that mean we’ll be served food finally?”

“Yes, I’m hungry.”

“Let’s order the fresh baguette.”

“I would prefer a croissant this morning. Maybe with chocolate?”

“Jam! Or butter.”

“Oh yes, butter!”

Alice interrupted, “Excuse me. Who or what are you guys?”

“US?” They responded in unison.

“We are tofu!” The one on the right said.

“More specifically, I am Soft Tofu, ” piped the one on the left.

“Leaving me Firm Tofu!”

They bounced a little as they talked and, if her eyes were not deceiving her, the one on the left jiggled a little. 

“Sit with us!” They both said at once. Alice drew up a chair to the round table. 

“Are you also here to eat?” Soft Tofu asked.

“The food is quite good,” Firm Tofu added.

“Quite good.” Soft Tofu agreed.

“If you are tofu,” Alice began, “doesn’t that mean you are the ones to be eaten, not to be eating?”

“MY GOODNESS!”

“The IMPERTINENCE OF THIS THING!”

“I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IS INSULTING,” Soft Tofu started but evidently the stress was a little too much because it shook so much a small piece of the corner fell off. 

“I’m sure she’s just stupid.” Firm Tofu asserted.

“Clearly.” Soft Tofu settled itself down again. Its eyes screwed up as if it was trying to look dignified. 

“I apologize,” Alice said quietly.

The tofu relaxed. “The service here is slow, don’t you think?” Firm Tofu said. 

“Have you heard the story of the Walrus and the Carpenter, little girl?” Soft Tofu turned to her.

“I have not,” she replied.

“Once upon a time,” Firm Tofu loved to start stories the traditional way, “there was a Walrus and a Carpenter.”

“The Walrus was fat and the Carpenter was skinny,” Soft Tofu continued.

“They were hungry one day.”

“So they went to the sea.”

“They sang songs for the little oysters.”

“The oysters danced onto the shore.”

“Oh, I think I have heard this story,” Alice interrupted.

“Hush. The Walrus and the Carpenter led them onto the sand.”

“And then,” they both said together, “we ate the oysters. Nothing like fresh seafood!”

She put on the coat and bid her grandfather goodbye. As she walked home she thought about her dear old pépé and about the lonely old shop. After the old man’s death, the shop would be closed and sold. Her father and mother both decided to be office workers for big companies—she forgot the names—and they wanted her to study hard to become some CEO or to have some similar position. They didn’t want her to waste her life running some penniless, worn out shop. Well, that’s where everyone’s life was heading these days. Some in and out day job, living according to the same mundane schedule. Well! She was living one now anyways. Nothing exciting. Alice often had these existential crisis. 

The sunny day was darkening, the clouds gray and heavy. They sagged with the weight of raindrops. Alice’s little feet hurried their steps.

That evening the thunder roared and the lightning flashed as often happens in storms. She was tucked beneath the warm covers. The floppy dog nuzzled her chin as she fell asleep.

Her alarm rang exactly, as always, at 9 a.m. on Saturdays. Alice tumbled out of bed and put on pale blue shorts, another white blouse, and the coat from her pépé yesterday. She still held on to the floppy little dog as she headed downstairs to find breakfast and her parents. When she arrived in the kitchen, she realized that something was a little strange. It was rather quiet in the house. Not only that, even the streets outside were silent. Alice checked all the rooms for her parents but could not find anyone. Perhaps they went shopping, but they never left her alone before. She peeked outside, there was no one on the streets. Even the bizarre student who always sat in the cafe across the way every day around this time was absent. Alice closed the door and went into the kitchen again. 

She tiptoed to reach the house keys and hurried to put on her little shoes. Once again, just to be sure, she checked the rooms for her parents. She opened the front door, stepped into the street, looked around, closed the door, and buttoned her coat. In her arms, of course, was her floppy dog plush.

Alice started walking. Her current observations reaffirmed exactly what she thought earlier: no one was around.

Something moved in her arms. The floppy dog struggled loose from her arms—to be more precise, he struggled and in her surprise, Alice dropped him. He landed on his soft cotton paws and looked back at her. He shook himself as if his fur (though, he really didn’t have any as a plush) was wet and started running. 

“Wait, huh?” Alice stood still, trying to comprehend what happened. Perhaps she was dreaming?

The floppy dog ran back, his ears flopping (quite characteristically actually) up and down. He sat in front of her and tilted his head as if saying, “stupid girl, you’re supposed to follow me” before running off again in the same direction.

Alice followed him.